What is mindfulness?

People have been talking a lot about mindfulness these days.

Everywhere you look there is more information on mindfulness, the benefits of mindfulness and ways to be more mindful. But what does it all mean?

In it’s essence mindfulness can be described as follows:

• Being Present, right here, right now
• Not struggling
• Not grasping or rejecting
• Accepting what is as it is without judgment

Being Present right here, right now means being in the flow. You are engrossed in the activity you are doing. You are not worried about the 15 other things that you should be doing. You are concentrated and focused on the environment around you including conversation, people, activities, sights, sounds, and smells. This concentration is not struggling to make things other than they are. This concentration is open and accepting of the world as it is without change. This creates a very open and spacious area from which to rest, even in the midst of activity.

Resting is possible, because in this state you are not grasping or rejecting for anything. You may notice that no matter what event or experience you participate in there is a sense of judgment or evaluation. For example, if you recently saw a movie or a play you may briefly describe the event, the costumes, the plot, the characters, but inevitably the discussion moves to whether or not you enjoyed it. This evaluation, separates us from the events and experiences we have and sets up a kind of grasping and rejecting. This becomes even more difficult to avoid when the discussion centers on people and talk about their activities, relationships, challenges and embarrassments.

When we learn to accept others and ourselves right where we are without the need to change, we open to a deep rest and sense of tranquility. From this space of openness we allow things to be exactly as they are without judgment. This doesn’t mean that we will give up all of our preferences or our personalities. This means we are more free to have desires, but not driven to fulfill them at ever moment. In short, we liberate ourselves to a deeper more flexible position.

What are the Benefits to Mindfulness?

• Less Emotionally reactive
• Reduced Depression and Anxiety
• Peace of mind
• Less judgmental
  • Easier to be around people
  • Easier to be in discomfort
  • Easier to be in uncertainty
• Increased confidence
• Increased sense of well-being and satisfaction

Being less emotionally reactive can be a gift not only for ourselves, but for everyone around us. How many of us have experienced some traumatic life event, or even major social embarrassment or humiliation and vowed to never allow that to happen again. We find masterful ways of walling ourselves of from the rest of the world and protecting ourselves. Then, later in life, we find ourselves over reacting to people who criticize us, make us feel unsafe or unvalued. We find this old wound and react out of fear and self-preservation. Often times this can lead to us feeling bad and self judging which can lead to avoidance, anxiety and depression. 

Exploring these experiences with a still and tranquil mind can help us reduce anxiety and depression thru a deeper understanding of the triggers to our fear and reaction and then disarming these triggers. Ultimately, thru practice we develop a deeper peace of mind and become less judgmental of ourselves and others. As we become less judgmental we find it easier to be around people and they around us. With further practice we learn to become more present with discomfort and uncertainty and learn not to push it away. It’s not that we ever embrace these feelings, but at least we don’t hide from them or suppress them until they can no longer be held back. This leads to increased confidence and a deeper sense of well-being and satisfaction.

How Do I Practice Being More Mindful

• It is an ongoing practice
• Body scan tension, constriction, pain, discomfort
• Start with deep cleansing breaths thru nose deep into the abdomen
• Pause briefly noticing the temporary nature of breath
• Breath out slowly thru the mouth
• Repeat 5-6 times
  • Breathing in
    • I Breathe in peace and connection
  • Breathing Out
    • I Breathe out pain and sorrow
  • Body Scan notice How you feel now

A Brief Meditation – Stone flake on the lake.

Imagine that you are by a clear blue lake on a beautiful sunny day.

Then imagine that you are a small flake of stone, flat and light. Imagine that you have been tossed out onto the lake and are now gently, slowly, floating through the calm, clear bluewater to the lake’s smooth, sandy bottom.

Notice what you see, what you feel as you float down, perhaps in slow circles, floating toward the bottom. As you reach the bottom of the lake, settle your attention there within yourself.

Notice the serenity of the lake; become aware of the calmness and quiet deep within.

As you reach the center of your self, settle your attention there.

Recognize this centered place you can come back to at anytime.

Scan your body and note how you feel now.

Are you more relaxed, centered, at peace

 

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Written by James Meyer, LCSW Founder and Lead Counselor of Lions Heart Counseling

Stone Flake on the Lake written by Marsha Linehan in DBT Core Skills for Mindfulness